


Afraid to Fall

by jenngps



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Bromance, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 11:30:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20191567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenngps/pseuds/jenngps
Summary: Maybe love will tear us apart.





	Afraid to Fall

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my official language so you'll probably find some misspellings. Please be kind about it.  
I never quite understood what Chandler's work was about so I just made something up :)  
The timeline is messy but this is basically about the first seasons.

_ why is the bedroom so cold_  
_you've turned away on your side_  
_yet there's still this appeal_  
_that we've kept through our lives_

"So, what do you think?" Joey had his arms outstretched in the air, showing his look to Chandler.

"Hey, soldier. Ready for World War II?" Chandler laughed, leaving the bathroom and drying his hair with his towel.

"It's for the audition!" Joey explained. "I really want to do this play"

"You will get it, man!" 

Chandler gave him a comforting smile. Joey was nervous.

"I don't know, I'm not confident." 

"What? We're talking about Joey Tribbiani. You just have to go there and do what you do best." 

"Eat?" Joey was confused and Chandler rolled his eyes.

"Act!" 

"Right." Joey took a deep breath. 

"Damn, I'm late."

Chandler walked into his room, threw the towel on the bed and grabbed the briefcase under the nightstand. His hair was still wet but at least he was already dressed. Joey read the script again.

"Can't you pass the script with me before you leave?" Joey looked at him when he left the room. 

"I'm too late, Joe." 

"But it's just a few lines." Joey insisted, with that pitying look on his face he used to make whenever he needed to convince Chandler of something.

"It's the second time in the week that I'm late like this. My boss is going to kill me." 

"Please!" 

"I'm sorry, Joe." Chandler was convinced. Joey snorted. "But, hey ..." He looked at Joey before leaving the apartment. "I'll be cheering for you all day."

Joey smiled hugely and the smile returns to Chandler's face. And then Chandler was no longer there. 

The audition was at 11am. He worked hard on studying the script during this time until he finally had to leave. He left the apartment and took the subway. In less than 30 minutes Joey arrived at the studio and the crew was waiting for him.

It wasn't an excellent test, but Joey felt that the directors really liked him and he went home happy. He didn't have much to do for the rest of the day except watch television, eat, and wait for a phone call to tell him if he got the part or not. The production would call between that day and the next day.

Joey heard the door open and realized it was time for Chandler to come home. 

"Hey, man!" Joey turned on the couch to see him. 

"Hey! How was the audition?" Chandler threw his briefcase on the kitchen counter and approached Joey. 

"I think they will choose me!" He said enthusiastically. Chandler smiled.

"I told you, didn't I?" He sat next to Joey. 

"Thank you, Chan." Joey smiled back. "How was work?"

"I spent all day making spreadsheets."

"Great!"

"You don't know what a spreadsheet is, right?" Chandler laughed and Joey shrugged.

"Hey, I was thinking. How about we go out tomorrow night? We can have some drinks, meet some girls." Joey hinted, a mischievous smile. "What do you think?"

"I can't, man. I have dinner with Janice tomorrow." Chandler sighed. 

"Janice yet?" Joey sounded outraged. "Oh man..." 

"This time is for real, I think." 

"But you don't like her." 

"How do you know that?" 

"I see it in your eyes." Joey stared at him for a few seconds and Chandler broke eye contact. 

"I like her. I feel comfortable."

"Comfortable is not enough."

"What do you know about relationships, Joe?" Chandler was sarcastic.

"Hey!" Joey was offended. "I just think you deserve someone better. But if you want it like that..."

An awkward silence filled the room.

"We can go out on Friday." Chandler suggested. Joey looked at him and grinned.

"It would be great. Are we going to call Ross?"

"Yes."

"But we'll just have some fun. Forget about the girls." 

"Ha-ha, say that for yourself." Chandler rolled his eyes and laughed.

It would be nice to go out together. Chandler was spending a lot of time out lately, as a result of his work and Janice, and Joey really missed the moments between them. 

"So, you and Janice ..." Joey started, looking at him. 

"Yeah." Chandler took a deep breath. It's not like he was deeply in love with her, in fact she was unbearable most of the time, but they had been breaking up and getting back together for so long that Chandler simply started to believe that he should give them both a real chance.

"I'm thinking of taking a bigger step."

Joey raised his eyebrows. A tightness in his chest bothered him but he tried not to think about it.

"What kind of step?"

"Still don't know." Chandler stared at him for a while.

"Oh." 

That annoying silence again.

"Good luck, then." Joey said, trying to show some sincerity. He failed. 

"Thanks, Joe." Chandler smiled. "I'm going to bed now." 

"Already? It's half past seven." 

"I'm very tired." Chandler got up off the couch. "Good night, Joe." 

"Good night." 

Chandler went to his room.

Joey tried to dissipate that thought that he was being tremendously selfish with Chandler. He didn't seem in favor of the whole relationship between his friend and Janice at all. First, because he hated Janice. She was futile and self-centered. At least Joey saw her like that. Not to mention the voice. 

He trully wanted Chandler to be happy. Shit, he hated to see Chandler sad for even a second. But Joey definitely didn't believe Chandler's happiness was in Janice. Clearly, during all three years of comings and goings between them, Chandler had never been really happy. Joey knew, because he could see through Chandler how he felt.

Chandler was good, funny and he was always there for him. He was one of the most important person in Joey's life. When Chandler was sad, Joey wished he could pull out all the bad he was feeling and take it for himself. He couldn't stand the thought of his friend living an unhappy life. Chandler was incredibly good. 

Joey didn't want to lose him. 

The hours went by, and suddenly Joey realized it was already 11 o'clock. He decided to go to sleep, because since Chandler went to his room, he could no longer focus on the television and realized that he had been thinking about Chandler for three hours straight. And that was happening in a scary frequency lately.

...................................

When Joey woke up the next day, Chandler had already left for work. Joey made a pancake for breakfast and ate it. Then went to the bath. 

The day passed slowly. Joey was strangely concerned about the important step Chandler wanted to take with Janice. Would he propose to her? Joey hoped not. It was practically torture to date Janice, he supposed, marrying her was probably masochism.

He kept thinking about it for the rest of the day while trying not to. It was none of his business anyway. It was Chandler's life, and all Joey could do was warn him. And he had already done that. Millions of times. 

Monica invited him to lunch and Joey thanked the heavens, because he was starving and as usual the fridge was empty of real food. 

It was delicious. He loved Monica's food. Probably if he dated her he would be weighing 300 pounds.

But the thought of the damn Janice marrying Chandler kept bothering him, which was absurd, since he was in his holy hour: food time. 

"I think Chandler is going to propose to Janice."

Joey said suddenly and Phoebe, Monica and Rachel choked on their food at the same time. Ross wasn't there.

"What?" Monica had very wide open eyes.

"Oh no." Phoebe said, discouraged.

"He told you that?" Rachel asked.

"He said he wants to take an important step."

"With Janice?" Monica also sounded discouraged.

"But maybe that's not what he meant." Phoebe looked at him.

"It seemed so." Joey sighed.

"But he doesn't like her." Monica still looked shocked.

"No one likes her." Rachel added.

They were silent for a while, trying to digest the information.

"Why don't you try to get him a nice girl?" Monica suggested as she went back to eating.

"I told him. We're going to hang out tomorrow and I said we can meet some girls. But you know how he is." 

"He's not very good with girls." Rachel said.

"He has no confidence." Joey said and the three of them was looking at him. "If he had, he would get any girl."

"Chandler?" Phoebe held back a laugh. 

"He's a great guy. And if he asks Janice to marry her, she's going to be a lucky woman. But she doesn't deserve him."

Joey didn't talk about that anymore. When he finished his lunch, he went back to the apartment and took a great nap. Until the phone rang and Joey forgot everything else because he had passed the audition.

"Guess what!" He got up of the couch abruptly as Chandler walked through the apartment door. 

"I'm very bad at guessing, Joe."

"I got the part!" Joey said excitedly and Chandler gave him a big smile. 

"This is great, man. I'm happy for you."

"I really wanted to do this play." Joey showed a bright smile.

"I knew you could do it."

Chandler stepped forward and hugged him. It's been a while since the last time they hugged, and wow, it was good. It was cozy. 

"How about we celebrate with a beer and a pizza?" Joey suggested after they walked away.

"I can't, I have dinner with Janice, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." The smile fell off of his face.

"I wish I could stay." Chandler said sincerely, looking him in the eye.

"Then cancel with her and stay tonight." Joey asked, and there was a different intensity in his gaze that hit Chandler. Strong. He wanted to stay.

"I can't." He said finally. Joey shrugged and took a deep breath.

"OK."

Chandler went to the shower and within fifteen minutes he was ready for his dinner. He found Joey on the couch, a beer in his hand.

"I'm leaving, Joe."

Joey looked at him. Chandler's hair was combed back, as he always did when he wanted to look serious or go on a special occasion. Joey felt his chest tighten.

"Good dinner."

"Thank you."

Seconds later, Chandler was no longer in the apartment. Joey felt small, insecure. He didn't know what the hell was going on with him but he knew he was getting acquainted with several new feelings and he didn't like it. It was scary.

He felt that he was gradually losing Chandler. Fuck, they were best friends for years and they were never as far away from each other as they were now. Thinking about Chandler getting married and living away from him made his stomach sick. And that worried him, 'cause, you know, they couldn't be roommates forever. Could they? 

But Chandler has his own life and Joey has his and he definitely didn't want to spend the rest of the night thinking about it. So Joey picked up the phone book and dialed the first girl he found the number. He took his jacket in his room and he left, slamming the door on the way out.

They met at the coffee but within 15 minutes they were in a love motel. Joey didn't want to go home that night.

The sex was very good, he had to admit. It was absolutely one of best things in life, he wasn't exaggerating. It made him forget all the problems, and pleasure was something he enjoys very much. But it ended quickly and he didn't want company anymore.

He returned to the coffee and surprisingly none of his friends were there. Probably half the income from that place come from his friends. No kidding.

He saw some pretty girls he would probably be interested in and say "why not?" since he was definitely not the kind of guy who would say no to a girl just because he had already gotten laid to another on the same night. But he just didn't want to. From the moment he'd left home hours ago ready for casual sex, his damn mind couldn't stop thinking about Chandler. What the hell was that? 

Joey was scared. Not scared, terrified. Was he becoming possessive? He had no idea what was going on because he had never been in such a situation. Of course he always cared about Chandler, he was his best friend, but lately he just wouldn't get him out of his mind. He always wanted to be close and he was getting farther and farther away.

He just wanted to forget Chandler for a few hours. He left the coffee looking for a bar and drank a lot that night for that to happen.

............................... 

It seemed like someone was literally hitting him in the head with axes. But he opened his eyes and no one was there. The pain continued. He shouldn't have drunk so much. His clothes were scattered across the floor and he didn't even remember taking them off before falling asleep.

With some difficulty, Joey stood up, but tripped over his jeans thrown at the foot of the bed and cursed something. He needed a shower.

Chandler had already left for work as usual. They hardly saw each other in the morning. Joey took a long shower.

Throughout that day he tried harder not to think about anything. Anything at all. He just wanted some peace of mind. He spent the afternoon watching Baywatch, no doubt his favorite tv show.

At 7 o'clock Joey took another shower and began to get ready. He and Chandler had made plans to hang out and he really wanted to have fun with his friend. Forget a little all the bad thoughts. They invited Ross, but he was staying with Ben that night.

"Hey!" Chandler entered the house. "You ready?"

"Yes." Joey appeared at the bedroom door. "Don't stay in the bath forever, I beg you." 

"You're the lady of the house." Chandler scoffed and laughed.

"I need to look good, man." Joey put on his jacket and ruffled his hair. 

Chandler laughed again. Joey always looked so damn good. And also smelled good.

"Sure." 

Chandler took less than 20 minutes to get ready. His hair was wet, a little tousled, and he was wearing a white t-shirt with jeans.

"Ross is coming?" Chandler asked, closing the bedroom door. 

"No, he will stay with Ben." 

"Oh, ok."

"Do you think I look good?" Chandler asked, pointing to his own look.

Joey studied him for a few seconds with a soft smile on his face that bothered Chandler's chest.

"I think you can have any girl tonight." He said, smiling. 

"Joe ..." Chandler objected with a half-smile on his lips. "Janice, remember?" 

"Oh yes, the freaking Janice." He whispered but Chandler heard him. He said nothing, just laughed.

They went to the bar Joey had visited last night. It was a large space with lots of people and lots of drinks. The music was also nice.

"A vodka." Chandler asked as he approached the counter.

"For me too." Joey also asked and the bartender went to prepare the drinks.

"Why have we never come to this place?" Chandler asked.

"Well, I did." Joey said.

"When?"

"Yesterday."

"Oh. And how was that?" Chandler was curious.

"I drank more than I should." He remembered the sensation that hit his body when he woke up in the morning and shook his head in disgust.

Chandler laughed. The bartender handed their drinks and they took the first sip. Chandler had forgotten how that liquid burned.

"Yes, just before I came here."

Chandler nodded. Of course he was not expecting for a difference answer. 

"It was good?" Chandler asked.

"Very good." Joey kept looking him in the eye. 

"Nice." 

They drank in silence. Sometimes Joey felt that Chandler wanted to say more than he actually say, but maybe he was just imagining things. Imagining many things.

"So, what do you think?" Joey caught Chandler's eye. 

"About what?"

"About them!" Joey looked at two girls who were clearly watching them for a long time. 

"Go ahead." He encouraged him.

"I meant for you." 

Chandler raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

"I told you, Joe. I'm with Janice."

Joey rolled his eyes.

"You don't seem to be serious about it anyway." 

"We are."

"Come on, Chandler. It's going to be like the other times, you'll get tired of her and then it's over. Why don't you enjoy tonight?" He said, look between Chandler and the girls.

"What do you have so much against her, man?" Chandler was really surprised with Joey. He never liked Janice but lately his repulsion towards her increased to a severe degree.

"I just don't like her." Joeu drank his vodka. 

"But I do." Chandler was aggressive.

"Do you?" Joey stared at him firmly. "Do you really like her, Chandler?

Chandler's throat tightened. He wanted to say, but couldn't. Joey's strong eyes on him somehow made him vulnerable. And he could lie, but he woundn't. Not to Joey. And a "yes" just couldn't escape Chandler's mouth. 

"That's what I thought." Joey said. Chandler looked down for a moment. 

"I'm going to live with her, Joe." He said and Joey froze in front of him. "I'll move out." 

"Oh." That's all Joey could say.

It seemed like he had been hit by a car. 

Joey felt his chest tighten and become so small that he was afraid his heart would stop beating. He had lived with Chandler for so long that he had no idea what it would be like to live without him. It was his worst fear coming true. And he felt so small at that moment that he thought he could disappear. 

"Joe, are you alright?" Chandler touched his arm, trying to comfort him. Joey looked up and met his eyes. 

"You really leaving?" His eyes burned.

"Yes." Chandler's voice sounded broken. 

"Was that the big step?" 

Chandler could only nod. 

"When you leave?"

"Next weekend." 

And Joey was silent again. He was choking.

"I'm sorry, budy. I think it's time to take that step."

"It's fine. I just didn't think you would ever move from there."

"Me neither." Chandler smiled sadly.

He hugged Joey tightly. It was an extremely difficult decision, but the worst part was telling Joey, he knew that. Chandler couldn't imagine living away from Joey. Of course, he would visit him whenever he could, but still, it was different. Part of him wanted desperately to stay. Almost all of him wanted desperately to stay. Especially now, hugging him so tightly he could hear his heart beating. And it beat fast.

They could no longer have fun that night. They paid for the only drink they had and went home. Joey barely spoke on the way and when they arrived he went right to his room and and hoped to sleep for three days staight.

Chandler felt worse than bad. Was that possible? 

He truly hate seeing Joey that way. Because that wasn't Joey. No, he was annoyingly happy all the time and always made everyone feel special. When Joey was sad, Chandler wanted to stop the world and protect him from all the pain. But this time was worse, because Chandler was the cause of Joey's pain. Chandler felt desperate.

He couldn't sleep that night so he decided to try watching something on tv. But to his surprise, Joey was already there.

"Awake at this time?" Chandler asked, closing his bedroom door and leaning against it. Joey turned his head on the couch to see him. 

"Just like you.." He said, looking back at the tv.

Chandler sighed and approached the couch. 

"Joey ..."

"I know, man. It's fine. It's your life." Joey gave a slight smile and Chandler relaxed his shoulders.

"So, you're not sad with me?" Chandler sat next to Joey.

"No. I'm sad because you're leaving."

Chandler nodded, staring at him.

"Looking at you right now, I absolutely want to stay." He met Joey's eyes.

"I can't ask you that." Joey said sadly. "But you will come visit me and stay with me from time to time, right?"

Chandler grinned.

"Of course. Who will read the script with you?"

Joey smiled warmly.

"I'll miss you." Joey said, looking him in the eye. His chest burned. 

"Me too, Joe."

Joey hugged him this time.

Unlike when they were at the bar, the atmosphere was now quiet and was only the two of them in that hug and sharing that moment.

Chandler leaned his head against Joey's neck and inhaled his cologne for long minutes. It smelled really good. And his hair smelled like a mild shampoo. Joey's hands encircled Chandler's back in a delicate touch. Almost hot .

Chandler has felt like this for a long time. This heat, when they were too close. And he repressed it with all the force he had. However, in moments like that, he would just let go and allow himself to feel. He knew he was the only one who felt like that. 

He was wrong. 

Joey felt it. He just didn't understand what he was feeling because he had never felt it before. And honestly, he was afraid to understand, because it hurt. And he didn't want to feel pain.

He ran his hands up Chandler's back and touched his hair. Chandler allowed him. They shared that caress for long minutes. 

"What do you think we enjoy my last days here? We can do something every night." Chandler suggested when they broke apart. 

"Sounds good to me." Joey was smiling. "Oh man, I really don't want you to go."

"Hey. I'm still here." Chandler said, with a half-smile.

And they kept smiling at each other. Chandler touched Joey's hand and stroked. The contact made both shiver.

"I'd better try to sleep again. Lots to do at work tomorrow." Chandler stopped touching him and got up from the couch while Joey nodded. 

"I think I'll stay a little longer. Do you want me to turn off the tv?" 

"No need. Good night, Joe." He grinned at Joey. 

"Good night, Chan."

Chandler slept at the image of that smile on his head that night. 

Unlike Joey, who couldn't sleep at all, because he had that damn smile of his damn best friend on his head the hole time.

........................................

Their plan to enjoy Chandler's last few days together went downhill because he was completely busy at work and also had to work on the computer when he got home.

It was already Friday, but Chandler promised they would be together tonight. Joey had chosen Die Hard and they would order a pizza when Chandler got from work. 

Which didn't take long, because when Joey came out of the bath, he saw him walking through the door. Joey was drying his hair.

"If you say you're too busy I'll be forced to kill you." 

Chandler laughed. 

"I didn't know you wanted my company so badly, Tribbiani."

"Apparently it's not me who has a special charm, right?" 

They laughed together. A little flirting never hurts. Even between two best friends who secretly wanted each other.

"Believe me, it is you." 

"Have you ever looked in the mirror?" Joey said and Chandler is smiling and blushing. Okay, to much flirting, better stop.

"Have you ordered the pizza?" 

Chandler changed the subject and Joey dried his hair again. 

"15 minutes ago." 

"I'm going to take a shower then." 

The pizza arrived and Chandler finished his shower. He tooked the beers out of the fridge while Joey was putting Die Hard for them to watch. It was definitely their favorite movie. 

When the movie was over, there was no pizza left.

"Man, i'm so full." Joey shifted on the couch with difficulty. Chandler laughed. 

"Don't tell me." 

"What we're gonna do now?" 

"We're going to bed." 

Joey looked at him, his eyes widening.

"Not together, idiot." 

Chandler said and Joey laughed. 

"I just wanted to see your face." 

"Ha-ha, very funny." He punched Joey's arm, and Joey kept laughing.

"It's not bedtime yet!"

"Tomorrow I'll move early, remember?" Chandler added and Joey sighed. 

"I wish I didn't." Joey said, crossing his arms.

"Hey, it's not goodbye. I'll always visit you. We'll see each other all the time." 

"Is not the same thing." 

"I know." 

They looked into each other's eye.

"I want to kill Janice for taking you away from me."

Chandler looked at him and sighed.

"No one can take me from you." 

Joey smiled brightly. 

"So... just a few more minutes awake?"

Chandler coundn't say no. He didn't even want to. He wanted to stay up with Joey for the rest of the night, because those were literally the last few hours living with the best guy in the world and he felt his chest hurt at that thought.

They talked for hours. All kinds of subjects. They talked about the past, the troubles they've been through, and how they had fun when they were together. 

"Hey, do you remember when we met?" Joey said, staring at the ceiling. They were lying on the carpet on the floor now.

"Of course." Chandler was using his hands to support his head. "I thought you were an idiot."

"A charming idiot, you might say." 

"I hate your ego, you know that?" Chandler laughed and Joey stopped staring at the ceiling to look at him. 

"You didn't deny it." He smiled. Chandler licked his lips, looking away. 

"What did you think of me?" He asked.

"That you were a nerd." Joey laughed. "And I still do."

"I'm not a nerd." Chandler protested, trying to look serious. Joey raised his eyebrows and stared at him. "Ok, just sometimes."

"But I liked your sense of humor." Joey said.

"Really?" Chandler seemed surprised.

"Yeah. Although most of the time I don't understand the joke." 

The sound os their laughter filled the apartament.

"Chan .." Joey said after a moment of silence. 

"Yeah."

"I think you're charming too."

Silence in the air again 'cause Chandler didn't know what to answer. He was only capable of feeling a shiver run down his entire body.

"Yeah, sure." He laughed nervously. Joey watched him over his shoulder.

"You don't believe me?" 

Joey stared at him and Chandler faced that look. 

Joey's body shuddered and he understood at that moment what was happening to him. It was nothing like how he felt about the women he had. No, it was stronger and it probably should freak him out, because he was feeling for Chandler. But he was not freaked out. He was ecstatic. 

"We should go to sleep." Chandler said when he noticed Joey propping himself up with his elbow and moving closer.

"I dont wanna sleep."

It was Chandler who was terrified. Joey was there, extremely close, so close that he could feel his breath against his face and that was fucking exciting. Exciting and terrifying. His whole body reacted when Joey touched his neck , bringing both faces closer. Chandler didn't move. 

When their lips touched, Chandler felt his heart would stop beating. Joey's mouth was soft and hot. Or maybe it was Chandler's whole body that was hot right now. That caress lasted a while, their lips meeting, touching. But at some point one tongue found the other and the taste was delicious. Joey thought so, Chandler thought so, and that only made the kiss last longer. Joey's hand gripped Chandler's neck, and Chandler's hand gripped the collar of Joey's shirt, bringing him closer. 

They shared that kiss for so long until they realized that they desperately needed air.

When the kiss ended, they stared at each other for a long time, not knowing what to say. 

"That was ..." Chandler began. He felt confused and horny.

"Intense." Joey concluded.

2 minutes of silence. They broked apart from each other.

"We shound't." Chandler finally spoke and stood up. Joey did the same right after.

"I know. I'm sorry." Joey said, awkwardly.

"It's okay. I'm leaving tomorrow and we're sad. We got confused, that's all." Chandler tried to explain the situation. 

"Yeah, confused." Joey put his hands in his pockets and they stared at each other for a while.

"I'm going to bed now." Chandler said, pointing to the room and Joey nodded.

"I'll go later."

Then Chandler closed the bedroom door and Joey threw himself on the couch, sticking his hands in his hair. What had he done? 

................................

Joey shifted a little and opened his eyes with difficulty. It was morning already and he realized that he fell asleep on the couch. 

He sat up and looked around. There were two cardboard boxes next to the front door, and he found that they belonged to Chandler. He was moving out.

The flashes of last night ran through his mind and he felt a big pressure on his chest. The fear of losing Chandler was stronger than ever. He shouldn't have done that. No, he definitely shouldn't, but at that moment he wanted Chandler. He wanted him badly. And now Chandler would probably be scared of him. He managed to push them further away and Joey felt that he could easily disappear. 

But the question that didn't want to leave his mind: Joey was gay?

He didn't think so. He had never been interested in another man before and he liked women. A lot. But now he was finally understanding that all that anger about Janice, that freaking pain he felt at the slightest thought of Chandler leaving him and all those involuntary sensations that hit his body whenever he was too close to his friend, wasn't just friendship feelings.

No, what he felt was more than that. And it was getting stronger and stronger. And honestly, Joey wouldn't consider it a problem if it were any other man.  
But it was Chandler. His best friend and the most important guy in his life.

He couldn't stand the thought of Chandler feeling ashamed or disgusted about him.

The front door of the apartment suddenly opened and Chandler appeared, panting a little. Joey looked at him for a few seconds before getting up of the couch.

"Hey." Joey finally said, when Chandler said nothing. 

"Hey." 

They stared at each other. 

"So ... you leaving now?" Joey approached the kitchen.

"Yes. There are only these two boxes left." He pointed to the boxes on the floor. Joey looked around. No furniture has been moved.

"But what about all your stuff? Most of these furniture are yours. 

"Yeah, i'm not gonna need it anyway. You can have it."

Long pause, they were still looking at each other. Joey nodded. 

"I think this is it." Chandler said.

"She's waiting downstairs?"

"Yes." 

"Ok."

They couldn't undo the exchange of glances for a while. It was hard to decipher what those looks meant, but they meant something.

And they said nothing.

Joey felt that tightness in his chest again, stronger than ever. He was watching Chandler leave his life and that hurt like hell. Joey stepped closer and hugged him, squeezed him in his arms and didn't let go. Chandler wanted to cry in those arms. Not living with Joey anymore was definitely one of the hardest decisions he ever made, it went against everything his heart asked for. He almost never cries in front of people, but there he was, feeling those damn tears wetting his face and not giving a shit because he just wanted to stay in Joey's arms forever. 

"I'll miss you so much." Joey said, his voice breaking.

"Me too, Joe." Chandler whispered against the skin of his neck.

He couldn't forget for a minute what happened last night. It was intense, it felt incredibly good, and Chandler was going crazy. That kiss only made him realize how much he liked Joey and how much he wished he could be with him like that again. And again, and again. He was so scared. Joey kissed him senseless and Chandler didn't know if he was playing with him or if he, in some way, he could feel the same.

Which was crazy, because he was talking about Joey Tribbiani.

They broke away from the hug but kept their bodies close. Chandler wanted to understand what was going on between them, but he was too afraid to ask. It was easier to hide all those feelings. But Joey was there, so close, suddenly staring at Chandler's mouth, and at that little second it was no longer easy to hide that damn desire.  
"I better go." Chandler said, after a while staring between Joey's eyes and Joey's mouth.

"Yeah." Joey sighed and stepped back.

He watched Chandler put one box on top of another and pick them up. Joey opened the door for him.

"See you soon." Chandler said. Joey nodded, not directly believing those words. "Bye Joe."

"Bye, Chan."

Joey looked him in the eye, wanting to ask him to stay. Give it all up, stay with him, stay together. But Chandler walked past him and the next minute they were no longer roommates. That apartment looked stupidly empty and sad.

Sunday came and Joey didn't see Chandler. Monday neither. On Tuesday they met quickly at Central Perk, Chandler stopped by at his lunch break to say hello to his friends. Joey said hello and they didn't talk to each other anymore. They didn't meet again for the rest of the week. Maybe between those days Chandler had shown up at the Cafe, but Joey didn't know because he didn't go there to check anyway.

He had some sex on Friday, but it didn't last long and he didn't even enjoy it. He was at rock bottom. The only thing that could cheer him up was his play, he rehearsed the script three times a week and the play was scheduled to open on the of the month. That play was his big chance it to finally grow up in the business. 

But even when he was happy about the play, he was also sad, 'cause he remembered that Chandler always helped him with the script and Joey missed him so much. What he feared the most was actually happening: they barely saw each other anymore. Joey wasn't sure if it was because Chandler was working hard and living in another neighborhood, or if it was because Joey had scared the shit out of him with that kiss. That detail definitely counted a lot regarding their distance.

Joey wanted to disappear. He never thought it could be so painful to like someone. It had never happened to him before and he wished it never had. But then he remembered Chandler, how good and funny he was, and how he made Joey's body react when they were too close. It was different, special.

There was Joey, lying on the couch, thinking about his damn best friend for the hundredth time that day. He covered his head with the pillow and hoped his body would crumble right there.

....................................

It was Tuesday and Joey made lunch plans with his friends at the Central Perk. He couldn't help but notice how everyone else's life was on the right track, while he felt like he was stuck in a hole, sinking further. 

"So saturday is Ben's birthday and we'll have a little party at Carol's house. We want you there." Ross announced and they got excited.

"We'll be there." Monica said.

"Dude, I can't believe Ben is 1 year old." Joey commented, surprised.

"I know! Tie just flies." Rachel hugged Ross.

They kept talking about how time was passing incredibly fast until the cafeteria door opened and Chandler appeared. 

Joey missed his breath for a second. 

"Hey, guys!"

"Hey Chan!" Monica hugged him when he sat on the couch between her and Phoebe. Phoebe did the same right after.

"Man, what happened to you?" Ross asked. "Is Janice keeping you in private jail?"

They laughed. Joey and Chandler looked at each other quickly.

"She handcuffs me every morning at the foot of the bed." He joked and they laughed harder. "No, it's just the job."

"Yeah, come on." Phoebe laughed.

"Will you guys ever believe I have a real job?"

"Your job doesn't even have a name, Chandler." Rachel laughed.

"I'm the spreadsheet guy."

"Right." Ross laughed. "Spreadsheet guy, we were talking about Ben's party on Saturday. And I'll wait for you."

"I'll make an effort." Chandler said and Ross glared at him. "I'm coming, relax."

"Okay, I need to go back to the museum now." Ross said, rising from his chair. 

"I'm coming with you." Rachel said goodbye and left the coffee with Ross.

"My break is over too." Monica stood up. "Please stop disappearing." She said to Chandler and kissed him on the head.

"I will." 

Monica also left Central Park.

"So, Chandler, what's it like living with Janice?" Phoebe asked.

"You know, it's Janice." He said and Phoebe made a funny face. "But it's normal."

"Why don't you, hm, give up that crazy idea and move back in with Joey?"

She suggested and Chandler raised his eyebrows. He glanced at Joey, who hasn't spoken much since he showed up.

"I can't, Pheebs." Chandler laughed nervously. "Now it's for real."

"Come on!" She rolled her eyes. "I doubt you can stand it for a month."

"I have to." Chandler said and now he was looking at Joey. Phoebe watched them for a few seconds, looking from Joey to Chandler and vice versa.

"What is going on with you two?" She finally said.

Joey looked down and Chandler swallowed hard.

"You have barely spoken." Phoebe continued. "And you guys are like the closest friends ever." 

A few more seconds of silence and a new exchange of glances. Chandler cound't deny to himself, the distance between them was killing him slowly.

"Okay, I'm leaving now and when we meet again you two will be best friends again." Phoebe said, grabbing her bag. "I'm meant it!" She shouted, and the people around stared at them. Pheebs and her wonderful hysterical way of being. 

She left.

There were only Joey and Chandler now. Chandler on the couch and Joey in the chair not facing him. They avoided eye contact, but that silence was too annoying. And painful.  
"So ..." Chandler started, looking at him. "how are you?"

"I am fine." Joey lied. How he felt lately was the complete opposite of fine.

"Cool ..." Chandler wiggled his fingers. "And the play?"

"I'm really linking it." Joey looked back at Chandler, who smiled.

"I'm happy for you, Joe." He said, with honesty. Joey grinned. "I miss you, man." 

Chandler said and suddenly Joey's heart was beating again. He could barely hear the beats in the last few days.

"Me too." Joey sighed. "I miss you so much."

They looked into each other's eyes.That look on Chandler's eyes was there, Joey saw it, he wanted to say something but he ended up saying nothing. It was cruel.  
"Why didn't you show up anymore?" Joey sounded hurt. 

"I'm sorry. I'm a mess now."

"You said we'd always see each other."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Joey's face fell. Staying away from Chandler like that was unbearable. He could have sworn it was being hard for Chandler as well, because Joey could see through him. He always did it. 

He considered inviting him to the apartment that night, but then realized it would be a bad idea. They would be together, which would be amazing, and they would be very close and alone, which would be stupidly difficult. 

But Joey didn't give a damn and decided to invite him anyway.

"Why don't you come to the apartment today?" He said, heart pounding.

Chandler felt the same way. 

"I ..." He thought for a moment. And he had to fight hard with himself because his fucking mind was saying 'no, it's too dangerous' and his fucking heart was screaming 'just tonight, please'. "I don't think that's a good idea, Joe."

Joey felt the weight of those words. His face fell again.

Janice burst into the coffee and Joey's stomach turned. He got up from his chair, grabbing his sweater.

"Okay. See you." He said, and answered disinterestedly to Janice's greeting , leaving Central Perk right after that. 

Chandler took a deep breath and reached into his hair, ruffling it. What a cowardly, he thought about himself. 

"Chandler, honey..." 

Janice sat beside him.

"Are you okay?" 

"I'll be." He said, looking at her.

"You and Joey had a fight?" She pat him on the shoulder.

"No. It's complicated." He tried to change the subject.

"You should go visit him." Janice suggested and Chandler took a deep breath again. "Seriously, it would be good for you. You look terrible lately.

Chandler laughed sarcastically. Janice really knew how to comfort a man.

"Never mind." Chandler shrugged.

"Being apart from someone you love hurts a lot!"

He started coughing, half choked. Janice looked at him and grinned.

"What?" 

"I know, Chandler."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said, coughing harder. 

"It's right on your face." Janice said. "You should give yourself a try to be happy." 

Chandler gave that nervous fake laugh, but Janice kept looking at him, and she seemed to be sure about what she was saying. Chandler's armor fell.

"How do you know?" He looked at her, startled.

"I told you, it's right on your face." She stroked his shoulder again. "Why don't you go meet him today?"

Chandler snorted. He was trying so hard to fight his feelings and not accept Joey's invitation, and suddenly Janice was there, trying to convince him otherwise. Janice, the woman whom he was living with and struggling to like and forget Joey once and for all. The freaking Janice who seemed to know everything for a long time.

"I can't." He said sadly.

"Why not?" 

"'Cause I am with you."

Janice smiled and shook her head.

"Why not?" She insisted.

"Because it freaks me out. All these feelings when I'm next to him. He's my best friend. I can't lose him."

"You're moving farther and farther away. You're already losing him, Chandler."

She was honest. His chest hurt when he realized she was right.

"I can't face what I feel. I can't tell Joey because I know he doesn't feel the same way."

"Are you sure about that, sweetie?" 

Chandler looked at her. 

"I think so."

"I still think you should go look for him and say how you feel. He loves you, everyone knows that. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, he's not going to turn his back on you."  
Chandler listened attentively. 

"What do you think will hurt the most: not having his love returned or losing your friendship for good?" 

That simple idea sounded infinitely painful. He decided to go after Joey that night.

Chandler left Central Perk and went back to work, but not before thanking Janice, his annoying girlfriend who knew how he felt about his best friend and never forced him to say anything. He was incredibly grateful to Janice that afternoon.

But he was still terrified about meeting Joey that night.

........................... 

Chandler said no, he wound't show up tonight, or maybe any other night and Joey is now considering going out with some girl to try to forget all of that. He checked the phone book, trying to find anyone interesting, but after a while he just threw it in any corner of the room and lay down on the couch again.

He hated being in love. That shit hurt all the time. He missed the old days. The simplicity of casual sex and never having to see the woman again. He missed being the Tribbiani. Now he was just Joey, a broken Joey who missed his best friend all the time.

Maybe he should get used to the possibility of actually losing Chandler's friendship, because they barely saw each other lately and things didn't seem to intend to change. It couldn't be that hard, could it? At some point he would get used to it and stop feeling. He expected this to happen as soon as possible.

The damn thoughts were in his head again while he searched for something to watch on tv. Nothing seemed interesting.

A few knocks on the door woke him up and Joey thought it could be Monica or Rachel.

It was Chandler.

Joey's heart pounded when he opened the door and saw him.

"Hey." Chandler's hands were in his pockets and he had a shy smile on his lips.

"Hey." Joey's face breaks into a smile.

"Can I came in?"

Joey nodded and got out of the way so Chandler could pass. 

He closed the door. 

"You came." Joey said, surprised. Chandler looked at him.

"I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie and eat something. What do you say?"

"I think this is great." Joey smiled brightly. "Monica gave me some pie, it's in the fridge."

"Perfect!"

Joey picked up the pie from the fridge and went into the living room to choose the movie. They were nervous and didn't know how to act naturally, but it felt so good to be together again, just like in the old times. 

It looked a lot like the old days. Joey and Chandler watching their favorite movie together, eating Monica's food and enjoying each other's company. They felt good throughout the entire movie.

"This movie is just the best." Joey said, turning off the tv.

"The best." Chandler looked at him, a soft smile in his lips.

"Do you want more pie?" Joey offered.

"No, i'm cool." They stared at each other and Joey nodded.

A beat of silence.

"I'm glad you came." Joey said, his eyes too intense. "I hate this situation." He took a deep breath. "I wish things were back to normal." 

"Me too." Chandler pursed his lips. "I'll try to come more often."

"I'll be here for you." Joey said looking him in the eye and Chandler felt a shiver down his spine.

He broke the eye contact and looked at the watch on his wrist.

"Oh, it's late. I think I better go."

Chandler got up of the couch but Joey held him by the arm.

Please, don't go. Sleep here tonight."

That damn seductive voice gave Chadler goose bumps.

"Joe ..." 

"For the old times?" He asked, with those puppy eyes that could convince Chandler of literally anything. "We can open the mattress and sleep here just like we used to."  
Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea. _ And so tempting..._

"Okay." Chandler said and Joey's mouth broke into his most beautiful smile. "I'll let Janice know then."

Joey nodded and Chandler gave Janice a quickly phone call, telling her he would be at Joey's that night. He could hear her laugh before hanging up the phone.

Shit, what was he doing? His mind kept warning him of how dangerous that could be and he kept ignoring it.

Each time he went against his mind, his fear increased. Just like his desire for his stupidly handsome best friend. 

Chandler tried to chase those thoughts away while Joey set up the pullout sofa. Chandler helped him. Then Joey fetched a blanket and two pillows from his room.  
The smell of Joey's cologne was pervading the pillows, and Chandler cursed him internally for that. It smelled annoyingly good.

"Do you want to watch anything else?" Joey asked after locking the apartment and turning off the lights.

Chandler's heart was pounding and he was scared once again. Maybe because he was going to sleep with Joey Tribbiani, and even if it wasn't in the literal sense of the word, he was terrified. Terrified and desperate to feel anything from Joey.

"No, we better sleep." Chandler said and Joey agreed.

They lay down and stared at the ceiling for a long time.

Chandler turned his back to Joey and said goodbye.

"Good night, Joe."

Joey sighed. 

"Good night." He continued to stare at the ceiling.

Long minutes passed and Chandler started to regret the decision of sleeping there tonight. He definitely wouldn't be able to sleep and would spend the hole night awake. But that's okay, he was right next to Joey, his best person, and he was happy.

Chandler suddenly felt Joey move and he was close enough 'cause Chandler felt his breath against his neck. Chandler's intire body shuddered. He kept feeling Joey's hot breath on his skin for a few seconds, but didn't question it. He thought Joey would move away, but slowly Joey touched his hair and Chandler forgot how to breathe.

"What are you doing?" Chandler whispered. Joey kept touching his hair, sliding his fingers gently.

"I don't know." Joey whispered back and his hot breath hit Chandler's ear. Chandler was sure Joey could hear his heartbeat. Joey ran a hand down Chandler's neck, touching the skin softly. Chandler shivered and Joey smiled. Chandler closed his eyes, feeling the caress.

"Do you like it?" Joey asked, his voice so low. The damn Tribbiani know how to seduce, Chandler can't deny it.

"Yes." Chandler kept his eyes closed.

Joey ran his hand up Chandler's hair and pulled some hair strands, slowly. Fuck, Chandler could easily lost his mind with that touch. 

But he had a reality shock for a second and grabbed Joey's arm, stopping him.

"Joe, no." Chandler said, turning on the mattress and facing him. Joey's face was confused.

"You didn't like it?" He looked Chandler in the eye. " "You don't want it?" 

"We can't, Joe." Chandler sighed. Joey had no idea how much he wanted. And apparently Joey wanted it too. Was Chandler out of his mind?

"Why not?" Joey sounded disappointed.

"You're my best friend."

"And you are mine." Joey touched Chandler's face and caressed the skin. "But I can't stop thinking about you, Chan."

Chandler was afraid his heart would explode. He had always been so afraid that Joey would walk away if he found out how he felt, and now Joey was there, looking him in the eye and saying that he liked Chandler too. That Chandler didn't feel it alone.

"I've always thought about you, Joe." Chandler said, and Joey's eyes lit up. "But if we do something wrong, it can destroy us." 

"We won't let this happen." Joey touched Chandler's lower lip with his finger. Chandler breathed heavily, his body was burning.

"No, we shound't." He held Joey's hand and took it off his face. 

"Is that why you distanced yourself? ?" Joey asked sadly. 

"I'm trying not to feel anymore." He looked at Joey. "Wasn't it easier when we were just best friends?" 

"We still are." Joey said.

"But I'm in love with my best friend. And it hurts." His face was falling.

"We can make it work." Joey insisted.

"I'm sorry, Joe."

Chandler shook his head and stood up. Joey did the same.

"Where are you going?" Joey asked, confused. 

"I better go." Chandler said, walking to the apartment door.

"Please, don't." Joey approached him.

"Let's forget this."

"I don't want to forget." 

Chandler took a deep breath. 

"We have to."

"You can't run away from everything, Chandler."

Joey sounded hurt. It was typical of Chandler to run away whenever he was stuck in a difficult situation that he didn't know how to solve. Joey hated that and hated even more to see Chandler running away from him. Joey was giving the solution but Chandler preferred to run away.

"Yes, I can." He said, opening the door.

"Are you sure?" Joey looked him in the eye.

"I am." 

And Chandler slammed the door.

Joey felt a desperate urge to cry. He shoved his hands in his hair and closed his eyes. It shouldn't be so complicated when both people felt the same way. He wanted to disappear.  
But the door opened abruptly and he had no time to react; Chandler was babbling a _ 'fuck, i'm really not'_ and kissing him fiercely. Joey grabbed him by the collar of his sweater and joined their bodies together. Chandler's body was hot, his touch was firm and his mouth tasted delicious. Even better than what Joey had first tasted. 

"Look what your fucking charm did to me." Chandler said between the kiss, pushing Joey's body to the back of the couch, pressing him there. Joey smiled seductively.

"I'm so grateful for having this charm." Joey ran his lips down on Chandler's neck, licking all the length. Chandler whimpered. 

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Chandler asked and Joey looked up to meet his eyes. He was smiling.

"Oh, you sure can." Chandler smiled and grabbed him again.

They didn't sleep that night and the apartment remained warm until dawn.


End file.
